bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
