This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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