So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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