Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
