he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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