u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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