Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
