I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
