oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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