i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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