She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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