she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
