Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
