sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
