Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
