Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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