She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
