So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
