Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
