I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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