im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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