Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
