Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
