I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
