i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize