i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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