shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
