Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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