omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
