I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
