I need help removing her.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
