he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
