Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
