I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
