I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
