i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So. Much. Porn.
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