My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
