I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
