i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
