You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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