Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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