Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
