But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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