Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
