Fine. I'll sleep in my office
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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