Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
