We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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