I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
