No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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