I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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