i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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