Moan for me like Helen Keller
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
