Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
