Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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