I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
